10 Things I am not allowed to do Around Gokudera
by raiTonight29
Summary: Title says it all. No pairings. Poor attempt at humor. Rated T for Gokudera's colourful language. Chapter Eight - You are not allowed to challenge Gokudera Hayato into a dance-off. Like, Seriously. Don't do it. OCs present.
1. Doujinshi

**10 Things I am not allowed to do Around Gokudera Hayato**

**Warnings/ Disclaimer:** There will be MANY mentions/references to Death Note, Shinee, SS501, and Super Junior so I do not own them xD And Rated T for Gokudera potty mouth! This is unbeta-d! So I am extremely sorry for the poor grammar and spelling mistakes.

Also, the title is also some sort of reference to **AppleSnapple**'s 100 Things I am not Allowed to Do in Hyoutei. It's a Prince of Tennis fanfiction. And it's a classic! Go read it! You won't regret it! So, basically. I got this idea from her. xD

And this is a birthday project for my dear friend (and Storm Guardian xD *shot), **demonsadist **who just turned… uhh… how old are you again, woman? *tonfa'd. So yeah…

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JIHI! **

Now that that's done. Enjoy!

* * *

**Number One:**

You are not allowed to invite Gokudera to your house with your shounen-Ai doujinshis scattered on your room floor.

* * *

Gokudera let out a full-out yawn as he strolled passed the Nogisaka residence's front door, muttering an "Ojamashimasu…" as he toed off his sneakers.

"Welcome, Gokudera-kun. Rai-chan is upstairs with JiHi-chan at the moment. Why don't you just go ahead and go upstairs?" Miss Nogisaka said as she poked her head from the kitchen doorway.

Gokudera threw a wide smile her way, "I will, Nogisaka-san! Thanks!"

Gokudera hesitantly climbed the stairs and walked down the hall to where he remembered Rai's room was. He had already been there twice, so it shouldn't be a difficult feat to locate her room.

It's that or it was so glaringly obvious because of the large poster of a Korean boy band on her bedroom door. Gokudera had actually took the time once to count all of the boys in the group and was so shocked to find out that a group who had 13 members actually exists.

"Tch. And to think JiHi likes them, too. God, what has the world come to?" Gokudera muttered as he opened to bedroom door. Not even caring to knock.

"Yo, JiHi… Ra-…" Gokudera stopped opening the door full way due to the fact that several books were scattered across the floor.

Gokudera sighed, "Seriously, Rai. What kind of otaku are you just leaving your mangas all over the floor like this?" he said as he randomly picked up a manga without looking.

"I don't think you should be reading that, Gokudera." JiHi said from her spot on Rai's bed. Her head was hanging off from one side as she stared at an upside down Gokudera.

"Tch. It's not like I don't read gory mangas. You really don't have to worry about me JiHi. I handle gore well, trust me."

JiHi frowned but then shrugged and withdrew her eyes from Gokudera. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Gokudera scoffed and proceeded to randomly read a page from the manga. Only to turn as red as his storm flame.

He flipped to another page and if possible went even redder.

JiHi smirked.

"HOLY SHIT!" Gokudera said as he threw the doujinshi at Rai who was holding back a laugh. "HOW THE FLIPPIN' SHIT DID _THAT_ THING FIT IN THERE?"

Rai guffawed as she caught the thrown doujinshi, "Seriously, Gokudera! Your face! It … it was absolutely priceless!"

"Dammit, woman!" Gokudera yelled, "Why on earth do you have those things? Are you even in the right age to own one?"

"Hah. It's not like age limits can stop that loony." JiHi muttered as she sat up. She couldn't think well with blood rushing to her head with the way she was sitting a while ago.

"What JiHi said. Plus, this doujinshi isn't even yaoi, yet. Seriously, Gokudera. A bit of Shounen-ai scares the living shit out of you? And here I thought you were a man."

"I AM A MAN, WOMAN! THAT'S WHY MY POOR EYES CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT SORT OF… of…"

"Don't bother finishing that sentence, Gokudera. Your poor de-virginized brain might not handle looking for the right noun and I don't want you dying in my room."

"..shut up."

Rai examined the book Gokudera had thrown and laughed, "Oh! This is one of my favorites!"

Gokudera jaw-dropped, "One of your favorites? You flippin' mean there's more?"

Rai gave him a look that clearly said, 'lol, duhhh?'

Gokudera turned to face JiHi so fast, Rai was sure he twisted his spinal column or something.

"And you don't have any problems with this whatsoever?"

"I don't see a reason for me to care, really."

"…"

"What?"

"… Somehow, I'm not really surprised,"

"Good for you."

Gokudera flopped down on the floor in front of Rai and randomly reached out for another doujinshi only to winced at the cover and slowly give it back to Rai, "Not Death Note, too."

"You can't help the fangirls, Stupidera." JiHi chimed from the bed.

"Where do you get these stuffs anyway?"

"The beauty of the internet, Gokudera. You should probably try using it for once."

"What's that supposed to mean, Rai-tard?"

"Nothing." Rai said innocently as she stacked all the doujinshis beside her.

"Do you know the person who makes these?" Gokudera asked.

Rai shook her head, "Nope, but I do know someone who draws these kind of stuff. Maybe I could let her draw one with you and Tsuna."

"…Really?" Gokudera blurted out.

"…"

"… Dude." JiHi said, momentarily alarmed and amused at the same time.

"…"

"Wait. What?"

"Oh my Kira, Gokudera!" Rai said as she came back to herself again.

Gokudera turned a bright red. "I didn't mean it that way, you idiot!"

"Sure, Gokudera. And that wasn't just an excited glint in your eyes a while ago." JiHi said as she raised a suspicious eyebrow at Gokudera.

"The light was just playing with you, surely."

"You sure you aren't gay?" Rai said as she patted her doujinshi stack.

Gokudera threw her a blank stare, "Positive."

Rai shrugged, "Your loss."

JiHi raised an eyebrow.

"What did you say?"

"I said 'Tsuna's stupid'."

"Not with this again." Gokudera muttered as he face-palmed, "For the last fucking time, the Tenth is not stupid."

"No, really he is, Gokudera. Teaching him how to fight is like trying to give a fish a bath."

"That doesn't really make sense."

"It's not like anything that comes out of her mouth makes sense anyway, Gokudera. You should know that by now." JiHi said as she flicked imaginary dirt off of her khaki shorts.

"JiHi, really. You should be siding with me."

JiHi scoffed, "Seriously, Rai. I don't really care."

Rai grinned, "Not even for a Kim Hyun Joong picture?"

JiHi faltered for a moment, "It depends. Is he smiling?"

"You bet, dude."

"Shoot. Where do I sign?"

Gokudera jaw-dropped. What the flipping fuck?

"Close your mouth, Gokudera."

Gokudera did as he was told for a change.

"Tsuna is a man that hath more hair than wit." Rai declared in a Shakespearean voice.

"Hey! Stop picking on the Tenth dammit!"

"It wouldn't surprise me if Tsuna gets fired from an M&M company for throwing out all the W's." JiHi said as she accepted the picture of KHJ.

"I've got to admit that was a good one. BUT WHAT THE HELL! Stop picking on the tenth!"

"Tsuna gets hit by a parked car twice a week."

"Rai, even I know that's impossible." Gokudera said.

"Tsuna can do the impossible, Gokudera. And no, that was not a compliment." JiHi said.

* * *

_Somewhere in Namimori…_

"ACHOOO!" Tsuna sniffed, "Geez. I think I'm coming down with a cold."

He took a look at his assignment and made a disgusted face, "Oh man, I got snot all over my homework!"

* * *

"Well, I better get going now." Gokudera said as he stood up.

"Yeah, me too, Rai. And thanks for the pic."

"No problem, JiHi. Consider it a birthday present for today."

"Thank you, then."

Gokudera cleared his throat as he shyly handed JiHi a thin square-shaped present. "Happy Birthday, JiHidiot."

JiHi raised an eyebrow as she accepted the gift, "Can I open it now?"

"Whatever. It's not like I care."

JiHi rolled her eyes as she ripped the wrapper to reveal SHINee's newest album.

Rai whistled, "Swell, Gokudera! Where'd you get that?"

Gokudera waved a hand dismissively, "I have my sources. The Tenth and the baseball head contributed for that as well."

"Oh. I shall send them my 'thank you's then. Thanks, by the way, Stupidera."

"Tch." Gokudera said as he randomly lit a cigarette, "Don't mention it."

"Drop that death stick right now, young man! Seriously, you're killing your lungs with those things!" Rai yelled as she thwacked Gokudera upside the head.

"Oh, by the way, Gokudera…" JiHi called.

"Yeah?"

THWACK!

"HOLY FLYING BATSHIT, WOMAN! WHAT THE HELL WAS THE FOR?"

JiHi smirked, "For swearing earlier. You must think I'm stupid, do you?"

* * *

A/N: YAY! End of chapter one! This is glaringly oh-so half-assed. -_-"' Sorry, JiHi. But then! This won't stop me from wishing you a happy happy happy birthday!

Alright, before I receive some flames for Tsuna-bashing… Don't get me wrong… I LOVE TSUNA. Seriously, he has like… grown so handsome! LOL and he's an anime character. BUT WHAT THE HELL! He is! xD So I'm sorry to all the Tsuna fans I have probably offended.

I hope everyone enjoyed!

Please review!


	2. Beach Trip

**10 Things I am not allowed to do Around Gokudera Hayato**

**Warnings/ Disclaimer:** Rated T for Gokudera potty mouth! This is unbeta-d! So I am extremely sorry for the poor grammar and spelling mistakes. OOC.

Also, the title is also some sort of reference to **AppleSnapple**'s 100 Things I am not Allowed to Do in Hyoutei.

I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

Enjoy the CRACK!

* * *

**Number Three:**

**You are not allowed to bring Gokudera along to a Crazy Beach Trip**

**

* * *

**

JiHi dropped the backpack she was carrying with her on the pure white sand of the beach that was about to be the death of her and her remaining sanity. My sanity is screwed, she thought, as she watched the scene unfold in front of her.

"Rai! Give that back, dammit!"

"No."

"That's my lifesaver, dammit! Mine!" Tatsumaru yelled.

"But if you compare the two of us, I'm more likely to drown."

"Why is that so? Ahhn? Give that back!"

"Gaaa-!" Rai ended up throwing the lifesaver away… but it hit none other than…

"Ouch!"

"… Oh shit. Out of all people I hit, it had to be bloody Gokudera."

"You dared hit me with a f*bleep*ing lifesaver? Taste my wrath, you mother*bleep*! Damnit! Where is that bleeping coming from? Mother*bleep*! ARGH!"

"Gokudera, please calm down." Tsuna said as he patted Gokudera's shoulder. (T~T)"'"

"'Calm down'? I'M COMPLETELY CALM!" Gokudera yelled at the Vongola boss, the air that was coming out of his ears completely visible.

"Err, right… I…I can see that…" Tsuna then proceeded to laugh nervously. When Gokudera got pissed, anything that came to his line of sight shall spontaneously combust.

"GAK! HELP! I'M DROWNING! GIVE ME A LIFESAVER, Tatsumaru! A g*d**n LIFESAVE- gulp-gulp- GAK!"

"NOOOO! RAI! WE'RE STILL GONNA CONQUER THE WORLD! DON'T LEAVE MEEE!"

"THEN GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND SAVE ME, IDIOT!"

Tatsumaru ran towards where Rai was drowning but only stopped to thwack the innocent(?) girl's head. Why? Well, you see. Rai was drowning in knee-deep sea water.

"IDIOT!"

"Oh. Huh. Well. You completely fell for it."

"DIE, RAI!" Tatsumaru proceeded to tackle Rai down the water again, "I'll make sure you drown this time! Muwahahhahah!"

"GAK! I'M DROWNING!"

"Che. Those two sure are having fun… right, Sasagaw-senpai?" Yamamoto drawled from the sand, watching Tatsumaru hold Rai's head underwater. Rai must be enjoying it since she stopped struggling 10 seconds ago.

"AHHH! YAMAMOTO, DON'T LET THAT F*bleep*R GET AWAY!"

"Huh?" Yamamoto turned around to find Ryohei chasing… WAS THAT A CRAB? And why does Ryohei have a red nose?

"Sasagawa-senpai? What happened to your nose?"

"That little bastard clipped me there. HARD! And now, I'm going to let it suffer to the extreme!"

But the crab just continued it pursuit to escape its very big and crazy predator. When it was blocked by a human foot. Hah! Such cheap obstacles! Fear me humans, the crab thought.

"Ouch!" Yamamoto exclaimed, jumping up and down on one foot while he held the other in his hand.

"Yamamoto! Are you okay?"

"Ouch, the 'little bastard', I knew he'd clip me there!" Yamamot said, copying Ryohei's words from earlier.

"Huh? You knew it'd clip you there?"

"Yes, because I'm psychic that way." Yamamoto stopped hopping on one foot for a while as his face turned serious, killing intent evident on the air.

"And yet you were willing to get anywhere near the thing when you knew that it'd clip you from the start?"

"Yes, because I'm stupid that way."

"… My kohais are going nuts…"

JiHi could only gape at the ensuing stupidity in front of her. There went her sanity, out the window, "Bye-bye, sanity of mine! I'll see you in a few decades! And then, let's have tea and- OH MY GOD. NO. Come back damn you!" Oh dear.

And with that the crab made his great escape. HAHAHA! Humans were so easy to overwhelm!

"WEEEEEE! WHO WANTS TO PLAY 'HIT TATSUMARU ON THE HEAD WITH A FLOATY' ?" Rai suggested.

"OH! OH! ME!" Ryohei said.

"Count me in!" Yamamoto yelled.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea…" Tsuna mumbled.

"I'd like that!" JiHi yelled, and everybody around her looked at her as if she said she was pregnant with Gokudera's first born.

Gokudera stared at them deadpan and as if he could read minds, he said, "All of you are nuts."

"What's it in for me?" Tatsumaru asked, clearly uncomfortable.

"You get to have as many floaties as you want. And with that you won't drown."

"WOOOT! REALLY? Oh, shoot. WHERE DO I SIGN?"

"... wtf?..."

"WAI!"

All the other regulars looked towards the source of the excited squeals and found Rai and JiHi running towards the water, like madmen… err… madwomen.

"Is it just me or are women who are on permanent PMS really nuts?" Tatsumaru muttered under his breath.

"It's the PMS."

"Yes, the PMS."

Satisfied that it was the PMS, they continued with what they were doing. Yamamoto and Ryohei resumed their hunt for the accursed crab of doom, Tatsumaru, having retrieved his lifesaver from Rai who looked like doing underwater golfing with JiHi, just went off and had a swim himself. Tsuna retired and sat on a white bench under a big white umbrella with a table beside him where a glass of pineapple juice sat. Gokudera just sat went and got a lifesaver of his own and followed Rai and JiHi to the sea.

"Wai! The golf ball bit me! Ouch!" JiHi wailed while she clutched at her right foot.

"Golf balls don't bite! They hop!" Rai protested.

"Is that even a golf ball? For all I know it might be a sea urchin you retarded freaks are messing with!" Gokudera shouted from where he was observing the two, "What does it look like?"

"It's black and it has spikes. And it looks like a golf ball!"

"What kind of golf ball has spikes? Aren't you supposed to be a genius?" Gokudera said as he splashed water around the two who turned into idiots in 5 minutes.

"Oh. Huh. That. Uh, I think my wits just left me. But still, even Rai agrees!"

"Rai?"

"It looks like a golf ball, Stupidera."

"That's a sea urchin, you goof balls!"

"I said golf ball, Ahodera! Not goof balls! There's a difference!"

"Awie, my foot hurts."

"Get out of the water, idiot! And let someone pee on your foot!"

"Pardon?"

"LET. SOMEONE. PEE. ON. YOUR. FOOT."

"Who would be so stupid as to let someone pee on their foot?"

"Who would be so stupid to say that a sea urchin was a fuckin' golf ball!"

"It was a sea urchin?"

"Argh."

"Oh! No! I'm gonna die! No!"

"You're not gonna die, you idiot. Just let someone pee on your foot and you'll be fine."

"Yeah, so says the person who hasn't been pricked by a sea urchin! The only reason why there is no documentation of people dying due to a sea urchin sting is because no one's ever survived!"

"Just get out of the water, JiHi-san!" Tsuna yelled, not liking where the verbal duel was going, "And just let err… Rai-san pee on your foot, or something.." Tsuna blushed.

"Che. Party pooper. And I was enjoying acting like an idiot in utter despair."

"Huh… Wait…You were acting?" Gokudera asked incredulously, eyeing Rai and JiHi.

"Yes. It was actually quite fun."

"Oh. Huh. Lol."

"Tatsumaru-kun!" came a disgruntled and terrified shriek from Tsuna.

"Something seems to be up with Tatsu." JiHi said as she slowly waded towards the shore, Rai and Gokudera hot in her heels.

As they got closer they could hear more concerned yelling and shuffling. Cries of "Tatsumaru!" "Oi! This isn't funny!" and "Please give any indication of your sanity!" baffled them. Clearly, there was something wrong with the soccer-playing teen.

When they arrived, they saw Yamamoto, Tsuna and Ryohei huddled around a figure lying on the ground, and that figure was Tatsumaru.

"What happened to Tsumaru?" Rai asked.

"He accidentally drank some sea water." Ryohei explained.

Rai blinked.

JiHi stared at then deadpan.

Gokudera just copied JiHi's expression.

"Seawater kills?" JiHi asked, her eyebrows twitching.

"_You don't want to know the half of it."_ Ryohei and Yamamoto said together.

"Surely it can't be that bad." Gokudera said reproachfully.

"It _is_ bad, Ahodera! Don't you see Tatsumaru lying on the sand, dead to the world?" Rai yelled.

"It's dangerous enough to knock Tatsumaru-kun out!" Tsuna announced.

"Gekokujou'd."

… LOL

"What're we gonna do?" Yamamoto asked.

"…"

"I say we wake him up." Rai said.

Gokudera guffawed. "… Nice plan… how exactly are you gonna wake him up?"

"… I wake him up." Rai said matter-of-factly.

"Oi! Tatsumaru! Wake up!" Rai shouted as she shook the teen's shoulders.

"Here, try this." JiHi handed Rai a horn. And Rai proceeded to blow it right beside Tatsumaru's ear. But nothing happened.

"I never knew Tatsumaru was a heavy sleeper." Yamamoto mused loudly.

"He isn't. He just got drugged by sea water." Gokudera said.

"I still don't get why sea water killed the dude." JiHi said.

"Yes," Gokudera chimed in, "It's somehow inconceivable."

…

…

"… AND YES, I BLOODY KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS GODDAMNIT!"

…

…

"Right."

"We have to report it to the authorities that sea water kills now!" Rai yelled.

"It doesn't kill goddamnit! Tatsumaru probably swallowed a goddamn puffer fish for all I know!"

"Puffer fishes don't kill! They hop!"

"Not this again!"

"Aarghh… People, shut up. JUST. SHUT. UP." JiHi said as she kicked Tatsumaru.

Tatsumaru proceeded to spit out the giant pufferfish.

"…"

"…"

"Hahaha. Jackpot."

"Shut up, Ahodera."

* * *

**A/N: Another pointless crack-filled chapter! xDDD I really have nothing else to say, though. LOL. And JiHi, I know you know this fic. xD **

**Please review!**


	3. Fairytales

**10 Things I am not allowed to do Around Gokudera Hayato**

**Warnings/ Disclaimer:** Rated T for Gokudera potty mouth! This is unbeta-d! So I am extremely sorry for the poor grammar and spelling mistakes. .

Also, the title is also some sort of reference to **AppleSnapple**'s 100 Things I am not Allowed to Do in Hyoutei.

I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

I know I should have updated this per week. But Finals ate my time! I had this program to finish on time. TT-TT

But hahaha! I'm back!

09/29/10 - HAPPY 3RD ANNIVERSARY TO MEHHH!

You may proceed now. :D

* * *

**Number Four:**

**You are not allowed to discuss/argue/throw hissy fits about FAIRYTALES around Gokudera Hayato/**

* * *

"Dude, you're like…stupid." Gokudera muttered out of nowhere; a clear indication that he was bored and just wanted to argue just for the fucking heck of it because he was bored. And a bored Gokudera was not a good Gokudera. And an un-good Gokudera rapes Tsuna's future babies.

"Huh. Look, the pot just called the kettle black." Rai countered, also bored.

"It did?"

"Ugh."

"You do know you just proved her that you're stupid, right?" JiHi asked.

"Yeah, but I proved her that I was stupider, right? Therefore, I am not stupider than her."

"Hmm. Your logic's confusing me but then, I wonder if you ever had one to begin with." JiHi commented bluntly.

"No, my logic's not confusing. You just don't have enough brain cells to understand such high-level human logic."

"I don't see why." JiHi said, baffled that somebody got the actual guts to tell her that she didn't have enough brain cells to understand high-level human logic.

"That's because you always keep your eyes away from anything remotely related to reality. Of course you can't see why (Y). You can't even see X!" Gokudera retorted.

"That's not what I meant, retard."

"…"

"YEEEEE-HAAAW!" An equally bored Tatsumaru wailed beside Gokudera.

"Oh dear God." Rai deadpanned as she threw a stray piece of balled up art paper at Gokudera.

"Hey!" was Gokudera's undignified screech of protest but everyone just ignored him. Gokudera, pissed, shot a flame arrow at an innocent passer-by who just happened to be taking a walk around the park.

The unfortunate passer-by toppled like a sack of potatoes, dead to the world.

Insert JiHi's epic Headdesk of Fast-Evaporating-Patience here. _Breathe_, she told herself; _Remember what your anger management classes taught you_. _Breathe in, out… _

"Great, Gokudera. Now we have a dead body to hide. I'm gonna get my newly manicured nails dirty." Rai said as she shot Gokudera a death glare.

Gokudera grumbled, "Hell, if you didn't throw that piece of –"

Rai stood up, "Just for an insignificant piece of shitty paper, you decide to turn your homicidal ass on an innocent man? YOU'RE WORSE THAN A MEGALOMANIACAL OLD WOMAN WITH A GOD COMPLEX VERGING ON MENOPAUSAL!"

"SO SAYS THE GIRL ON PERMANENT PMS!"

_In. OUT._

"YOUR MOM!"

"Hey, don't insult my mother, dumbfuck!"

Rai grinned, "Your mom's so stupid she wrote her name in the Death Note so that people would know where to return it to once it got lost!"

"Well, your mom's so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project!"

"… It isn't?"

"I FINALLY KNOW WHERE YOUR FUCKING RETARDATION COMES FROM!"

_In. FUCKING OUT!_

"WHY CAN'T ALL OF YOU KEEP QUIET FOR JUST ONE FLIPPING SECOND SO I CAN THINK IN PEACE, GODDAMMIT!"

Rai blinked at JiHi, counted to one, and turned to Gokudera, "YOUR BOSS IS SO STUPID HIS TEACHER GIVES HIM A ZERO AND TELLS HIM SHE'S SORRY BUT THAT WAS THE LOWEST MARK SHE COULD GIVE HIM!"

Tsuna was so used to it by now all he could do was –

"NO SHE DOESN'T!"

"I know!" Kazuki said, very wide awake, "maybe somebody needs to kiss that poor someone!"

Gokudera's eyebrows twitched.

Rai performed a spectacular face plant on the floor.

Tatsumaru blinked.

"…." Everyone just stared at Kazuki as if he grew another arm and then the three arms were juggling box weapons.

"… What planet did you come from?" Rai asked as she got up from the floor.

"It's just like sleeping booty!" Kazuki protested.

"It's beauty, you idiot! But doesn't that sound like Snow White?"

"… You suck at fairytales, Gokudera" JiHi said.

"Shut up."

"Yeah! You suck! Your analogies are fucked up!" Rai cackled.

"I didn't analogize things…"

"You didn't?"

"I didn't. Now shut up."

"…"

"It is REALLY like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White combined together!" Tatsumaru said, continuing for Kazuki, "Snow White eats a maggot infested apple and faints due to maggot attack. And then like Sleeping booty… something-or-other-"

"It's BEAUTY, you dumbfuck!" Gokudera cried out.

"Shut up! That's why I said 'something-or-other', you moron!"

"You dare call me a moron?"

"I just did, didn't I?"

"Shut your airhole, Tatsumaru! And Snow White doesn't die out of a maggot attack! She dies because the apple the evil witch gave her was rotten and MOLDED!"

"I didn't say Snow White died, bitch. I said she fainted! There's a difference!"

"Now, now, you two…" Tsuna chided.

"Stop arguing, retards. You're both wrong anyways."

"We are?"

Tsuna nodded sheepishly and Rai answered the questions written in their faces, "Snow White doesn't faint or die of a maggot attack or because the apple was rotten and molded, she died/fainted because the ugly witch gave her a poisoned guava!"

JiHi cleared his throat, "apple."

"Oh. Apple."

"Oh. That's what we said." Gokudera and Tatsumaru said together.

"Yeah, right. And demonsadist has a very kind and motherly heart and she wears miniskirts. And Cruella De Vil does not like Dalmatian carcasses." JiHi muttered.

"Who's demonsadist and Cruella De Vil?" Gokudera asked.

"I have no idea whatsoever."

"Idiot! Cruella De Vil is from 101 Dalmatians that has Dalmatian carcass fetishes!"

"…okay."

"Hmmm, I think what Kazuki and Tatsumaru proposed could work." Rai said, her I've-got-a-very-evil-sadistic-plan-and-you-better-work-with-me-bitch-or-else' smile in place.

"You think someone should kiss the poor man awake?" Tsuna asked.

"Kazuki does." Tatsumaru corrected.

"Oh."

"…"

"Ugh. I'm going to have nightmares after this." Rai said.

"Really? I'm gonna fuckin' faint, probably." JiHi said.

"Shut up, you two." Gokudera chided, ignoring the idiots who were cowering in fear and were muttering stuff like, 'Kami-sama. Please save the poor man's soul! He was innocent until Gokudera killed him' and they added a few Gods for a good extra measure.

"Hey!" Gokudera yelled at them, "Your prayers are appreciated but not necessary."

"That doesn't make sense." Rai said.

"It's not supposed to."

"Now, that makes sense."

"It's supposed to."

"You have issues."

"No, I don't. You're just stupid."

"…"

"Do you think this is really a good idea?" JiHi asked, always the logical person in the group, "and who's gonna kiss the poor bastard, anyway?"

No one answered her because they were all too busy watching the dead man twitch on the ground. Good grief, insanity follows you to the grave. Poor dude.

JiHi grinned her oh-am-I-so-evil-I'm-sure-I'm-going-to-hell-for-this-but-what-the-hell grin, and promptly stepped on Gokudera's foot.

Gokudera proceeded to shoot his hands up in the hair and howl.

"My, thank you, Gokudera, for volunteering!" Rai exclaimed, having caught on to JiHi's plan.

"…"

"…"

"Can we go crazy now?" Tatsumaru asked, deadpan. Really, the images popped unto his head after _that_ was insinuated.

Everything went to hell after that. Specifically with dynamites.

* * *

**OWARI**

ALL HAIL LE CRACK! La la la la la la!


	4. Sing With My Dying Will!

**10 Things I am not allowed to do Around Gokudera Hayato**

**Warnings/ Disclaimer:** Rated T for Gokudera potty mouth! This is unbeta-d! So I am extremely sorry for the poor grammar and spelling mistakes. .

Also, the title is also some sort of reference to **AppleSnapple**'s 100 Things I am not Allowed to Do in Hyoutei.

I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

I should probably rate this chapter an M for uhh… innuendos? O.e? Suggestive Sexual themes? No? Err… Well, yeah.

Oh! And I don't own 'Touchin' on My" by 3OH!3 and 'I kissed a girl" by Katy Perry. :) And Bonamana by Super Junior and Lucifer by SHINee. :D

* * *

**Number Five**

**You are not allowed to give Gokudera Hayato a reason to start singing. Seriously.**

* * *

They were hanging out at Rai's place again, wasted and incredibly bored to death. Rai was face first on her bed, looking as if she wanted to smother herself with her pillow. JiHi was on the couch opposite the bed, her legs hanging off from one side of the upholstery. Gokudera straddled the back of Rai's computer chair, his chin on top of his arms that lay harmlessly on top of the chair's back. Tatsumaru, Tsuna and Yamamoto were on the floor, reading random non-yaoi mangas… for the 5th time during the last 30 minutes.

"Why is it when I want Rai to be her crazy self, she isn't?" Gokudera muttered, rocking the chair sideways.

"Shut up, Gokudera. If you're bored, go catch Tsuna's fart or something." Rai retorted.

Tsuna made a slightly disgusted face but it quite a feat to be able to recognize it under all that shock.

Gokudera just frowned and glared daggers at her head.

"Man, I'm bored!" Tatsumaru said, giving up on the manga he held within his hands.

Rai then, proceeded to sing out loud, "BOUNCE TO YOU! BOUNCE TO YOU! Nae gaseumeun neol!"

JiHi smirked and then began singing another song as well, "Nareul mukkgo gadundamyeon sarangdo mukkin chae!"

Tatsumaru blinked, "Do you even understand what you guys are singing anyway?"

"No." both said in unison.

Tatsumaru introduced his palm to his face.

And they never saw Gokudera open his mouth to sing when…

The door to the bedroom burst open with a force that allowed it to bounce close again, promptly hitting Reborn flat on the face when he attempted to enter in midair.

"…"

The room was eerily silent save for the sound of the door slamming shut.

"…"

"Must make out with the door with my dying will." Tatsumaru muttered, half amused and half shocked.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the most trusted hitman of Vongola IX.

The door opened to reveal Reborn again, although he now sported a rather large lump on his forehead.

Tsuna sweatdropped, "Err… Reborn!" he began tentatively, "What brings you here?"

"Oooh! The baby is here! Haha~!" Yamamoto exclaimed.

Reborn turned his dark beady eyes at Tsuna, who immediately tried to recall the only technique he mastered since day one. The 'must-remove-myself-from-Reborn's-line-of-sight-with-haste-before-I-become-target-practice' maneuver.

Reborn then took his gun from who-knows-where and pointed it at Tsuna, "I'm bored. I was looking for something to aim at. I'm feeling extra homicidal today."

Tsuna visibly paled, squealed a sharp "Eee!", ducked and breathed a sigh of relief when no bullet appeared on his forehead when he heard a loud "BANG!" and trying to convince himself that the 'IMMA FIRING MAH LAYZZZZZAR!" he heard was NOT Reborn.

And Tsuna silently wondered who took the dying will bullet instead.

"REEE-!" an angry tenor voice screeched behind him, which sounded suspiciously like-, "BOOOOORN!"

"Oh shit.", everyone around the room thought when _the_ Gokudera Hayato promptly burst out of his very, _very_ stylish clothes.

JiHi silently wept at their loss before proceeding to cover Rai's and her eyes.

Gokudera, standing only on his heart-print white boxers… -and were those number 10s inside every hot pink heart?-, was not a very good sight to behold.

Tsuna's eyes looked as if they were about to pop out of their sockets.

Yamamoto was too busy trying to find out where Gokudera got those boxers, silently hoping that whoever sold them had number 18 prints as well.

Tatsumaru gaped, before slowly inching away from Reborn and his gun. Damn, he was NOT going near guns that made you lose your clothes, dammit!

Reborn shrugged, his homicidal tendencies sated… for now.

"I'M GOING TO SING WITH MY DYING WILL!" Gokudera exclaimed, hot red flame dancing on his forehead. He seemingly produced a random microphone from nowhere as well.

"…"

"What kind of regret is _that_?" someone muttered from Gokudera's left, but he paid it no mind. He was going to sing, dammit.

"…"

"HIT IT, LAMBO!"

"Uweeheeheeheehee!" came the deranged laughter of a 5-year old.

"…"

"… Our futures are screwed." Tatsumaru said, eyeing the crazy ass cow. Whoever said that the children were the future certainly hasn't seen Lambo yet. Or anyone of their lot for that matter.

Lambo pressed a random button and upbeat, techno music suddenly played.

Rai wrenched JiHi's hand from her eyes and then wished she hadn't when she saw Gokudera sashaying his hips in a provocative manner. ON TOP OF HER TABLE.

Rai suddenly made a mental note to burn the table when this insanity was over. And then scrub her eyes with muriatic acid afterwards.

And then she promptly turned green, then pink, then red, and then green again.

"… OH GOD."

JiHi risked a look, and her jaws and hand dropped simultaneously. For the love of everything holy!

_"__G-g-girl I gotta know!"_ Gokudera started, swaying his hips and pointing at JiHi and Rai who were too busy imitating a goldfish… that was out of water.

_"__How you dance like that!__D-d-dance like that!_

_You dance like that__! __Cause you're puttin' on a show!"_

"STOP STUTTERING, RETARD!" Rai exclaimed.

_"__Can I take you back?_

_Take you back_

_I just gotta ask you the…"_

"Seriously, dude. Shut up." JiHi muttered.

"_Show me yours, I'll show you mine!" _Gokudera threw JiHi a look that was not meant to be sent to little children. _'Make me, darling!'_

JiHi gaped and then turned white. And then, red. And then white. And then … purple?

"WHAT." JiHi deadpanned.

_"__Don't you worry, you're too fine!_

_We got one thing on our minds_

_And we got plenty of tiiiiime!"_

"I certainly don't have time for you or your insanity, Ahodera." JiHi muttered while Rai nodded her head all too eagerly. She was clearly distressed.

Tatsumaru just went ahead, tossed manners (not that he had one) out the window and said, "Eww."

_"__Girl I gotta go, I'm finished with the show_

_If you wanna –TOOT- me, I won't say no!"_

"Excuse ME?"

_"__T-t-t-touchin on my – TOOT-" _JiHi highly appreciated the bleep in the song. There were five-year-olds here, dammit.

_"__While I'm touchin on your –ToooT-.." _

"HOLY SHIT!" Rai exclaimed when she finally figured out what the fucking hell the bleeps were censoring.

_"__You know that we are gonna –TOOOT-.." _Tatsumaru calmly placed his hands over his ears.

_"__Cause I don't give a –TooT-.." _

Gokudera then let himself drop from the low table, fell right in front of Tsuna and continued singing a few more verses and back to the chorus,

_"__Cause I wan't you to knoooooow...!" _He dragged off the last word, swaying his hips and his ass missed Tatsumaru's nose by a centimeter.

_"__Girl I gotta go, I'm finished with the show!"_

_"__If you wanna –_

"FUCK!" Rai exclaimed. And JiHi face-palmed herself. Damn that woman. The bleep was there for a reason, dammit!

"_- me, I won't say no!_

_T-t-t-touchin on my –"_

"SHIT!" Tatsumaru screamed just for the heck of it.

_"__While I'm touchin on your-"_

"…err… tits?" Yamamoto said hesitantly.

JiHi's jaw dropped for the second time in five 2 minutes. And she silently vowed to throttle the idiot who had …had… CORRUPTED YAMAMOTO'S INNOCENCE!

Rai frowned.

Tsuna looked confused. What were tits? But decided not to ask when he felt killing intent rise from where JiHi was situated.

_"__You know that we are gonna -!"_

"BULLSHIT!"_  
_

"_Cause I don't give a -!"_

"BATSHIT!"

_"I don't give a -!"_

"GRAPE JUICE!"

_"I don't give a -!"_

"DAMN FUCKING CRAP!"

_"I don't give a -!"_

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?"

_"I don't give a -!"_

"Aren't the five minutes up yet?" JiHi screamed.

"Nope!" Yamamoto said after glancing at his watch.

Rai squawked.

"PLAY ME ANOTHER SONG, LAMBO!" Gokudera screamed and then proceeded to use Rai's bookshelf as an impromptu pole for his pole dancing attempt.

Rai sighed. She was going to have to smother her bookshelf with disinfectant now.

This was the 10th Generation Vongola Storm Guardian; in charge of logistics and Intel.

"I KISSED A GUY AND I LIKED IT! I HOPE THE TENTH WON'T MIND IT!"

Heaven help the Mafia world.

* * *

**O. WA. RI.**

:]


	5. Chapter 5

**10 Things I am not allowed to do Around Gokudera Hayato**

**Warnings/ Disclaimer:** Rated T for Gokudera's (and the other characters') potty mouth/s! This is unbeta-d! So I am extremely sorry for the poor grammar and spelling mistakes. .

THIS IS CRACK. OKAY? So if it bothers you that the characters are in unexplainable slapstick comedy and over-OOC-ness, I suggest you hit the back button, NOW. Lot's of swearing as well. :D

Also, the title is also some sort of reference to **AppleSnapple**'s 100 Things I am not Allowed to Do in Hyoutei.

I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

Ahh, yes. I held this chapter hostage from my dear storm guardian until she freaking updated her fic that was in a 2 year hiatus? Mmm. :] Teehee, Storm. xD

* * *

**Number Six**

**You are not allowed to mention the game to Gokudera Hayato.**

* * *

**You just lost the game, by the way. XD**

* * *

"KIRA DAMMIT!" Tatsumaru screamed as he plopped down unto the ground below him, his arms on either side of his head in surrender.

"Well, fuck me." Rai deadpanned as she slammed a book on her face in frustration.

"Facebook. Literally. OOF!" Tatsumaru said before promptly getting whacked by the same book in Rai's hands.

"Haha~! I get it!" Yamamoto chimed in as he sat beside Tatsumaru.

Gokudera did a double-take and stared at Yamamoto as if the proclaimed baseball nut just said that baseball absolutely sucked.

"You get it? Like, seriously?"

Yamamoto nodded like a lovesick puppy. On heroine. Though, they don't actually know how a lovesick puppy on heroine would look like.

"Whoa. It's a miracle! It's a miracle everyone!" Gokudera said as he whirled around to look at 'everyone'. 'Everyone' just yawned and studied their nails.

Gokudera scoffed. Philistines.

JiHi sighed, "What has got Tatsumaru all worked up again?"

Yamamoto smiled and said, "HE LOST THE GAME!"

"FUCK!" came a wail from Rai.

"OH, THE PAIN! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!" came from a Tatsumaru who was about to throw himself into a near-by tree trunk.

"Damn." JiHi muttered.

Gokudera blinked.

Yamamoto laughed cutely because that's all he could ever do right. Besides being a mafia man, of course.

And baseball.

Let's not forget about baseball.

Gokudera's eyes narrowed, "The game? What's that?"

JiHi pinched the bridge of her nose, "The objective of the game is not to think about the game."

Gokudera threw her a glance that said, 'Excuse me? Can you speak Japanese, please?'

JiHi sighed, "In other words, you mustn't think about the game. You mustn't remember it, your mind must stay clear from it or you lose. Broadcasting it out loud will make the people around you lose as well."

Gokudera frowned, "And you actually play this thing? It's idiotic."

Rai sat down beside JiHi, "Everyone does, jackass. Whether you're aware of it or not."

Gokudera's jaw dropped, "That doesn't make sense."

"How many times do I have to tell you that nothing that comes out of that girl's mouth -"

"-would make sense or anything remotely related to anything. I get it, JiHi."

Rai pouted.

"I get what this game is all about but why are you all getting worked up about it? Losing that idiotic game won't be a great deal, right?"

Tatsumaru sat up so fast he must've snapped his spinal cord, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'NOT A GREAT DEAL'! I WENT THROUGH HALF A YEAR! HALF A YEAR, I TELL YOU! AND I LOST BECAUSE THE BASEBALL IDIOT OVER THERE PETTING A FRIGGIN' SQUIRREL SAID, 'HAHA~! ARE WE PLAYING ANOTHER GAME?' AND I WAS LIKE, 'NOOOOOOO!11!11!' FUCK!"

And he promptly fell back all noodle-like.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Haha~!"

"…"

"Whoa. The game does this to you people." Gokudera said.

"Yes, Gokudera. You'll understand after some time why the cow crap we get like this over a game this 'idiotic'." JiHi said.

"Hah! Never."

"We'll see about that!" Rai yelled, "You'll lose a lot, though! HAH!"

Gokudera snapped, "NO, I WON'T! WATCH MEH!"

"NO, THANK YOU!"

"ALRIGHT!"

"YEAH!"

"The game~!" Yamamoto squealed from beside JiHi who slammed Rai's discarded book upside Yamamoto's head.

"FUCK!"

"Does that mean I lost, too?" Gokudera asked.

"Yes, idiot. Along with everybody within earshot." JiHi muttered.

"We'll give everyone 30 minutes to forget about the game, then. Let's see who loses first!" Tatsumaru proclaimed as he stared cross-eyed at a caterpillar that landed on his nose.

'This thing's itchy. And green.' He thought.

"Oh, we're playing another game?" Yamamoto asked and playfully dodged the squirrel that was hurled at his face courtesy by a pissed Rai.

"You're lucky you're cute, Yama-chiin."

"Haha~! I know!"

"…"

"…Okay." JiHi proclaimed as she glared at Yamamoto, "Which of you narcissistic bastards taught Yamamoto all of this?"

Rai was so appalled the squirrel successfully chucked an acorn insider her mouth.

Tatsumaru was too busy swatting at his nose.

"That's because you idiots always keep feeding his goddamn ego." Gokudera said as he glared long and hard at JiHi.

"Do I hear envy talking?"

"I don't. You know, hearing voices inside your head is the first sign of insanity."

"Screw yourself, Gokudera."

"Hey, I'm no narcissist." Gokudera said with his hands up in surrender.

"…"

"…"

The battle started then.

'My nose is so goddamn itchy. Oh shit, it must have been that green thing standing on it a while ago. Oh shit. I knew I should have killed it. It tasted bad anyway. Now, my throat's all itchy as well. Hm. I wonder if it'd turn into a butterfly. And then I would be the first ever guy who can cough up a puffer fish and a butterfly! Guinness Book of World Records, baby! I'm gonna be famous! Muwahahhaahha!'

'I'm a little tea pot, short and sto-. Wait, what? I'm not short! Yes, yes. That's right. Everyone's just freakishly tall. They must've had weird growth hormone… surplus-sufficiency! Hah! I can make up my own words because I can and no one can stop me inside my head… hmmm… hmmm… uhhh… Leeteuk, Sungmin, Heechul, Ryeowook, KyuHyun, Hangeng, Uhhh… Shindong! Yesung! Oh yes, I pwn everyone at this… Hyun Joong! Wait, that's not right. ' thought Rai.

'I am in a happy place. I am in a happy place. With lots of fluffy _poofy_ clouds… Yes, poofy clouds are good. Absolutely, poofi-ly good, it's so awesome. Poofy's nice. Yes. Nice, poofy clouds. Hmm… Okay, weird thought right there. Let's see. One, I can get Tsuna to ask Kyoko out again and I'm gonna have to tell Sasagawa-senpai that Tsuna's hitting on his Baby sister as well. Senpai isn't really the figurative type so I'll bet he'll think I meant that Tsuna was literally hitting Kyoko, but all the fun. Heh heh. Man. I can get used to this. Poofy! Heh heh. Did I just sound like a crazy whack job in a school uniform?" JiHi was thinking.

Gokudera, however.

'Hmmm… yes, yes. Uhhh… I mustn't think about anything… wait, hold up. Hmm… uhhh. I mustn't think about that game. Let's see. I am Gokudera Hayato and I am the right man hand… right hand man of the Vongola Tenth, whose name still escapes me that is why I always call 'Tenth!'. But nobody knows that because I am safe inside my own head. I am a Vongola storm guardian that is why I never lose. That is why I mustn't think about that goddamn game. I am not thinking about it right now. Nope, I am not thinking about the game… If I don't want to think about the game does that mean that I _AM_ thinking about it? Holy shit, I LOST!'

"I LOST THE GAME!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF EUNHAE! I MEAN, SICHUL! I MEAN, HEECHUL!"

"CATERPILLARDS!"

"POOFY!"

"Haha~! Does that mean I win? Great!"

* * *

**OWARI**

I LOST THE GAME! Oh, man. . I've been losing the game a lot of times for the past month. I give all my thanks to the people at facebook. I lost early one morning! D:

Anyway, please review! xD


	6. Spike my drink, you don't!

**10 Things I am not allowed to do Around Gokudera Hayato**

**Warnings/ Disclaimer:** This chapter is Rated M for Gokudera's (and the other characters') extra potty mouth! This is unbeta-d! So I am extremely sorry for the poor grammar and spelling mistakes. .

There are a lot of swear words in this chapter so you will have to excuse them. And I have not studied any of the languages below and have only consulted the internet for direct translations so I apologize for murdering someone's language.

Please forgive me! -cries-

THIS IS CRACK. OKAY? So if it bothers you that the characters are in unexplainable slapstick comedy and over-OOC-ness, I suggest you hit the back button, NOW.

This chapter absolutely contains no semblance to making a point. AT ALL. You are warned at the poor attempt at humor. D:

I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**You are not allowed to spike Gokudera Hayato's drink**

* * *

It was supposed to be a normal morning where Rai pissed Gokudera off and where JiHi would silently wonder what in the world she had done in her previous lives to be subjected to this level of sheer stupidity and to vulnerably risk herself to second-hand idiocy.

It _was_ supposed to be.

And just to make sure that the point is directly and properly stressed JiHi will kindly, _patiently,_ repeat it AGAIN.

IT. WAS. SUPPOSED. TO. BE.

But as it was, their supposed-to-be-normal-morning-where-Rai-pissed-the-living-shit-out-of-Gokudera-while-JiHi-pretended-she-was-in-no-way-acquainted-to-those-two-despite-the-fact-that-she-was-sitting-in-the-same-ratty-old-picnic-mat-with-them spiraled out of her control without her even noticing until it promptly blew up right in her face.

Rai just had to put something suspicious into Gokudera's drink, now, huh? Of course!

Of _fucking_ course.

"Geez, Gokudera. Stop swearing like a freaking sailor." Rai muttered as she swatted at Gokudera's flailing hands.

"Like, fuck, I can't fucking stop the damn words spilling out of my fucking mouth, goddammit. What the flying fuck did you put in my drink, fucktard? Fuck. Do you want milk, by the way?"

JiHi saw Rai shoot her a look that clearly spelled, 'Aren't you supposed to be doing something?' before smacking Gokudera in the face with a tissue, "DUDE. STOP. SWEARING. And no, I do not want the milk. Get that out of my face this instant before I decide to drown you in it."

"I fucking can't, you asswipe! DAMNIT!"

Rai frowned, "Usually, JiHi'd be on a slapping spree right now, especially since you're swearing like someone friggin' killed Tsuna with a grape or something."

JiHi grunted noncommittally.

"Bollocks! Don't bloody say that, you blithering tosser!"

At this, both Rai and JiHi raised one of their eyebrows.

"Aren't you supposed to be Italian? Why are you swearing like one of those British dudes on TV?"

"_Merde! __Allez au diable, vous fils depute!_" Gokudera yelled as he flailed around like a drunk man.

Rai blinked. "That's french, you assfuck."

JiHi's eyebrows twitched.

"_MEIN GOTT!_"

Rai's frown deepened further, "Those aren't swear words." And as an afterthought, added, "And that was German."

"Hey." JiHi interrupted before Rai throttled the cussing idiot in front of her.

Not because she actually cared for Gokudera's well-being. Of course_ not._

But only because _she_ wanted to be the one wringing the idiot's neck until next... uhh... Tuesday.

"Look who suddenly decides to talk." Rai deadpanned.

JiHi shot her a glare, "My cuss words sensor was starting to go haywire and short circuit my brain."

Rai flinched away as she scrunched her face up in a mixture of bewilderment and caution, "Err... you seriously freak me out, woman."

"You're welcome." JiHi nodded.

"I wasn't thanking you."

"Well, too bad. I don't give a damn."

"..."

"_Joder!_" Gokudera suddenly wailed beside them, shooting his hands into the air.

JiHi tch'ed, "Okay. That's it. You're doing this on purpose."

"Do you even know what nonsense you are spouting?"Rai questioned.

"BALLS, NOT A FUCKING THING, YOU DOUCHE! _Beso mi culo!_"

"Aren't you gonna start hitting him now?"

"Hn."

"How many slaps was that?" Rai questioned as she heaved a long sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose in complete frustration as JiHi fought the urge to follow her example.

JiHi shrugged, long giving up on slapping and shaking the sense unto her companions. And as the saying goes, 'If you can't beat the sense into them, join them! … and subsequently shock the sense into them when you do.'

"I dunno." she slurred.

"Okay..."

"_Sacré bleu!"_ Gokudera piped up again.

"How many times do I have to remind you that you're half Italian? Not Spanish, or French or goddammit GERMAN!"

"Look at all the fucking fucks I give!"

"Ew, Gokudera, you pervert!"

"Not my pissing point, you bastard!"

"I lost count after 'jackass'." JiHi deadpanned as she stared at them in silent indignation.

"But..." Rai said, "He didn't say that."

"I was sure he did."JiHi replied calmly.

"DAMNIT! DON'T PUT WORDS ON MY MOUTH, GODDAMN FUCKIN' DOUCHES!"

"... Wow."

JiHi's eyebrows twitched some more they looked like they were dancing, "Should I get a belt?"

"...Whatever for?"

"...that warranted a good belting."

Gokudera started, "You are not getting within a 5 meter radius near my ass, woman! So help me God!"

"Who said I was going to use it on your ass, Gokudera?" JiHi said as she leered at the silver-haired Italian, who paled suddenly as comprehension dawned into him, shocking the remaining cuss words out of his system with a small pitiful, "Meep."

JiHi grinned as her eyes glinted maliciously.

"You know." Rai piped up as Gokudera cowered for his dear pitiful life, "If this were yaoi fanfiction, I'd be laughing my ass off."

Gokudera fainted with a final, _"Vaffanculo!"_, as several images entered his mind at the implications of Rai's statement.

JiHi scoffed.

Rai blinked.

"JiHi, 51. Gokudera, -20."

**Owari.**

I am _so_ sorry.

* * *

**Translations:**

**French:**

_Merde! __Allez au diable, vous fils de pute! - _Shit! Go to hell, you motherfucker!

_Sacré bleu! -_ literally means 'sacred blue' but apparently it's a mild bad word

**German:**

_Mein gott! - _My God!

**Spanish:**

_Joder! - _Fuck!

_Beso mi culo! - _Kiss my ass!

**Italian:**

_Vaffanculo! - _Fuck!


	7. Dance off

**10 Things I am not allowed to do Around Gokudera Hayato**

**Warnings/ Disclaimer:** Rated T for Gokudera's (and the other characters') potty mouth! This is unbeta-d! So I am extremely sorry for the poor grammar and spelling mistakes. I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

This is crack, yeah. So if it bothers you that the characters are in unexplainable slapstick comedy and over-OOC-ness, I suggest you hit the back button, NOW.

And I'm sorry if this isn't really funny or extra cracky enough. It has been a long time and I think I lost a bit of my sense of humor (not that I have one. Or it's really _really_ weird).

So, enjoy!

* * *

**Number 8**

**You are not Allowed to Challenge Gokudera Hayato into a Dance-Off**

* * *

Rai could not comprehend how it was possible for everything to go downhill so fast. She vaguely remembered complaining about how life just absolutely sucked and how she wanted it to go away for maybe just a few minutes so she could wallow in self-pity and silently curse at the stupidity of everything she laid her eyes upon.

And given that she was currently in her room with a bunch of people with questionable intentions and varying levels of intelligence, her silent misgivings were actually rather justified.

She also wondered how every time someone decides that they wanted to be something other than sane, they always somehow manage to be in her room at the time of glorious enlightenment. It was almost as if her room reeked of second-hand idiocy or something.

It was also probably why she was almost _always_ accused of spouting nonsense when everything she said out loud usually made _a lot more sense_ and _a lot less stupid_ in her head.

"Why have you guys condemned me as original idiot?" she blurted out loud just to prove her point.

And really, it _did_ sound right in her head but now everyone was looking at her like she was the second coming of Optimus Prime. She wept inside at the injustice of it all as her friends merely stared on in different states of bemusement.

If Rai weren't so fucking depressed she would have laughed at their faces.

But since she was, she only proceeded to silently glower at them with a pout that made her look like a caveman-woman mutant.

Which was a feat in itself.

JiHi raised an eyebrow from her seat in front of Rai's bat old PC, "Are you alright?"

"Does it look like I'm alright?" Rai said as she tripled the pout on her face.

JiHi rolled her eyes, "You know, glower a li'l more and your face is going to stay that way."

"I don't care."

"Well, you should. You'll end up looking like Gokudera."

Gokudera puffed up like an insulted little bird, not that he wasn't- a little bird, I mean. "And what is that supposed to mean, huh?"

JiHi smirked, "You're smart. Use that head of yours," and continued watching dance videos on YouTube.

It was silent for a moment, Gokudera taking the chance to open and close his mouth in a silent display of indignation.

Rai snorted, which was quite unbecoming of a girl. However, that was the least of her concerns right now. Her major concern at present was how she could defuse the tension that reared its ugly head in her room. Because currently, it looked like Gokudera was plotting 78 ways to slowly kill JiHi with his eyes.

And really, she didn't want homicide committed in her room.

They could wait until they got outside to settle their uhh, homicidal-tendencies-slash-unresolved-sexual-tension.

In short, Rai wasn't in the mood to hide the bodies later.

"That is," JiHi continued, "if there's anything inside that head at all."

Make that 79 ways.

"Yeah well," Gokudera sneered, "You aren't one to talk! Watching those videos all day everyday should kill all the braincells in your head by now. Though I'm not saying you had any to begin with."

Rai rolled her eyes. "Oh please just kiss already."

The glares they both sent her were murderous enough to make the toughest of men piss their pants.

"Haha~!" Yamamoto suddenly decided it was right to remind the others of his presence, "Rai makes up the best games sometimes!"

Tsuna beside him was wringing his hands in front of his chest and was looking at the others around him like they were HUNGRY dinosaurs, "Yamamoto, I don't think that Rai-san was talking about a ga-"

"Finish that sentence and you're dead, Tsuna." JiHi spat.

Gokudera started, "You're actually _threatening_ the Tenth in front of me?"

JiHi leveled him with a look that said she was not afraid of the shit Gokudera could pull, "You're hardly someone that would make me want to do otherwise."

Gokudera positively _growled_.

"I mean, I bet you can't even pull off a simple dance move that doesn't resemble a cross between an electrocuted earthworm and a flailing duck."

"Oh, you're _on_, woman."

"Bring it on then, tough guy."

Rai resigned herself with a Dance-off inside her room. At least she could get blackmail material.

"Uweeheehee! Lambo has come to host this god awful Dance-off!" came the deranged maniacal laughter of a 5-year old cow as Rai twitched, the feeling of d_éjà vu _sweeping over her in fucking waves.

Really, she shouldn't be allowed to be surprised anymore.

Her companions had recurring bouts of stupidity and what-the-fuckness.

Lambo then pressed a red button that appeared right in front of him with unrestrained glee, allowing a thrumming beat to shake the room's walls; subsequently knocking a few posters to the ground.

Rai silently mourned at their foreordained fall. It was sort of reminding her of the feelings she had to tolerate when she saw that Reichenbach Fall episode the other d-

OH NO.

NO.

Rai promptly burst into a hysterical sob fest, prompting everyone around her to look at her as if she were the secon- third coming of Optimus Prime.

Rai kicked Deja Vu in the balls.

"I wonder about your thought processes sometimes, Rai." JiHi said as she stretched her arms above her head, looking at the emotionally constipated girl currently mopping her tears with a sock.

Gokudera sneered at her, "I wonder about yours, too."

"My thought processes are perfectly fine and sane."

Gokudera gestured to his surroundings, "Oh yes. Because challenging me into a dance-off out of – oh, I don't know – _out of fucking nowhere_ was a perfectly sound decision."

JiHi decided she didn't want to deign that with an answer.

Gokudera beamed like a peacock.

Rai snorted. Ha ha, _cock_.

Rai sometimes wondered about her thought processes, too.

"So!" Yamamoto cut off Gokudera's gloating, "Are we playing Statue Dance?"

"What are you? Five?"

An uncharacteristic frown appeared on Yamamoto's face, "What? Statue Dance is a perfectly enjoyable party game!"

"Yeah, for five year olds!"

"Says who?"

Yamamoto risked a glance at Tsuna, "Well, Tsuna and I were talking about how enjoyable Statue Dance was during your lover's spat."

As expected, Gokudera looked absolutely horrified. Either at the notion of A.) indirectly calling Tsuna a 5 year old and subsequently insulting his person or B.) Tsuna actually thinking that Statue Dance was a game that could still be played by respected future mafiamen like themselves or C.) JiHi and himself in a lover's spat.

Knowing Gokudera it could be anything.

"JiHi and I aren't in a lover's spat."

Oh.

C it was then.

"You get off from fighting then?"

"What?" Gokudera hissed, his green eyes glinting dangerously. Rai choked on her own spit.

"Are you idiots gonna dance or not?" Lambo asked as he fiddled with the volume dial, turning it up and down, "I've got dinner dates too, you know."

Tsuna whirled around and pointed a menacing figure at the 5-year-old. Lambo merely looked on unimpressed.

"What do you mean 'dinner dates'? You're five years old!"

Lambo frowned, "Doesn't stop you from playing Statue dance."

"But you can't have dinner dates! What 5-year-old has dinner dates?"

"In case you weren't paying attention: Me."

Tsuna spluttered.

Rai frowned at the cow puffing his chest. Oh, great. A five-year-old boy who dresses in a cow suit managed to land a date before she could even get one. She didn't know if she should be impressed or insulted.

Yamamoto laughed, "Man, you're a lucky guy! Who's your date then?"

"Tsuna's mom!"

Rai cackled in her mind as she heard the last vestiges of her sanity crumble into pieces. Well, whoop-de-fucking-doo.

"Now dance, motherfuckers!"

Tsuna stared at the cow deadpan. Rai actually felt sorry for the guy. If these guys were his future protectors, his future was pretty much screwed up the ass. "You know, you shouldn't be saying that... given the context of the previous conversation."

"You aren't the boss of me!" Lambo said.

"Yeah, sure, you keep telling yourself that."

"So!" JiHi exclaimed, "Are you ready, jerk?"

Gokudera cracked his knuckles, "I'm always ready, fuckwad."

A new song started- a korean one, judging from the incoherent lyrics. Both decided that that particular song belonged to JiHi.

She executed a series of steps that had Gokudera unconsciously gaping at her with a rather red face. Rai smirked as she continued recording the dance battle.

_Ii, data. _

JiHi kicked out and swung her arms, accidentally (not really) slapping Gokudera upside the head in the process. Cackling, Lambo pressed next and another song blasted from the speakers before JiHi could kick Gokudera in the balls.

It was Ice Ice Baby.

Gokudera frowned and resigned himself to a miserable fate. He lifted his right leg into the air, bent at the knee while reaching his right arm behind him to grab at his right ankle and began pumping his right leg up and down, his left elbow meeting with his right knee to complete to dance move.

Least to say, it was the most ridiculous dance move Rai had ever seen in her life.

Understatement of the fucking millennium.

She turned to JiHi and the look on the girl's face was hilarious enough that Rai had to get that in tape, too.

Gokudera was too busy executing his dance move to notice the stunned JiHi at his side, and right when he made another vigorous leg pump, he leg-pumped right into JiHi's stomach. They overbalanced, and then fell into a rather pathetic heap of limbs and clothes on the floor.

"Please tell me that's not your junk currently poking my back."

Gokudera awkwardly got off of the girl, brushing off the imaginary dirt off his shirt, "Of course not, you pervert." JiHi snorted at this as she got up. "That was my secret stash of dynamites."

JiHi's face contorted into a hybrid mix of disgust, amusement and bemusement. "You shove dynamites down your-"

"Yes," Gokudera snapped, turning an absolutely lovely shade of red, "Now, kindly shut the fuck up."

JiHi did just that.

Rai, however, didn't. "You mean there's room?" Rai raised her eyebrows as she and just about everyone in the room eyed the curious specimen that is the front of Gokudera's black skin-tight jeans.

Really tight jeans.

Rai smirked, wolf-whistling, "It's either you're lying or you're really tiny in-"

"Oh God."

Gokudera blushed and didn't deign that with an answer.

The others decided they didn't want to know anyway.

Ignorance is bliss, they said.

* * *

**A/N:**

I apologize for many things.

… don't judge me.


End file.
